Life's Forever Pleasures And Lies
by mageturtle
Summary: Dan and Phil meet the new girl next door, a brown haired spunky girl from the states. When Dan feels an attraction towards her, different from any other girl he's dated, will he accept his feelings and try to be with her or just remain single, sarcastic Danisnotonfire?
1. Noises in the morning

_oh mY GOD, i suck at names, AND THE DESCRIPTION OH MY GOD.. SORRY._

_uhm, something a bit strange.. i, uh, modeled the character after myself a bit, i couldn't be bothered creating another OC, sorry. i also made Dan, err- very sexual Heheh.. -cough-he wanks-cough- -cough-and other stuff-cough-_

_oh, and don't mean to shove other stuff down your throat, but here: Kathryn will be updated soon, I'm working on chapter eight and i just need to figure some things out. haven't really been in the writing mood, so that's not helpful ;_; __  
_

_alright, just read now.. and remember to excuse any weird shizzle_

_. i might seem a bit off, Yeah, just ignore my writing weirdness o,o_

* * *

What's that noise?

I slowly sit up and swing my legs off the bed, rubbing my sleeping eyes. The noise sounds like voices, coming from the living room, who does Phil have in the house now?

I stand up, stretching my limbs in the process, earning multiple cracks from around my body "ugh" I huff as I slowly begin my trek to the door, so far away

"Awh, that's so sad!" I hear Phil say, surprisingly loud. Not giving a shit, I jog to the door and rip it open, stomping down the lit hallway into our living room

"Who on earth are you talking to, Phil?!" I yell as my body gets engulfed in the glow of the sun streaming through our windows, Phil stares at me with a shocked expression on his face, and my sight travels to the person sitting on the couch next to him.

A brown haired girl has her eyes wide as she stares up at me, I can feel myself blush as she and I continue our stare "erm, sorry.." I mumble, my voice sounds shaky and distraught, why though?

She stands up and I see she's shorter than myself, looks roughly 5'9, still quite tall for a girl, I guess. She's wearing a T-shirt with the words "Let's get these teen hearts beating faster" with the silhouettes of a girl and a boy kissing while standing in front of a big pink heart, along with deep red pants with rose designs, and grey lace shoes.

Her hair is cut short, almost looking like mine and Phil's but spiked at the top like a Mohawk and layered on the sides and back, her eyes appear to be a greenish blue from what I can see, rosy lips and a surprisingly pale face.

She's gorgeous.

"I-I'm the one who should be sorry, I guess we just didn't realize we were being so loud.." She rubs the back of her neck, I made her feel uncomfortable, shit "nononono, it's my fault!" I hold my arms up, shaking them saying 'no' "I just thought Phil was talking to himself again" a small chuckle escapes my lips, she chuckles aswell, giving Phil a look then turning back to me, and blushes

She's staring at my chest, I look down and realize, I'm not wearing a shirt, my face feels hot as I look up at her and see her eyes dart between my chest and my eyes

"Ahhh, I should g-go" she points to the door before skittering towards it, arms wrapped around her stomach giving the appearance of her being cold

Out of the corner of my eye I see Phil stand and jog to her "awh, you have to go so soon?" His sadness is shortly replaced by a sly smirk followed by the words "or are you just flustered from seeing Dan half naked?" both pairs of our eyes widen as Phil says this, my face getting redder by the minute. Damnit Dan, stop blushing!

I hear the click of the door open and come back to reality, seeing her leave and Phil leaning against the door, I quickly run to the door, not wanting her to leave before I can find out more about her

"wait!" I yell, grabbing her arm jacket just before she turns, her eyes land in mine and we stand like this for what feels like hours. We both obviously hear Phil snicker before walking to the kitchen, I slowly pull her closer until her face is mere inches from mine

I breath in, my lungs filled with the scent of vanilla and coconut "I don't know your name" I mumble out, still hazy from the delightful scent wafting from her body

Her lips curve into a playful smile, I feel her slip her hands around my waist before leaning onto me, tippy toes so she can whisper into my ear "I'm Karli" her voice purrs into my mind, I swear, I'm gonna get hard if she continues.

She plants a quick kiss on my cheek while her hands slip down and slowly brush my groin, and then she leaves, smiling at me as the door shuts in front of my eyes.

Yep, I'm hard.

I'm gonna have to do a quick wank soon, maybe before breakfast

I slowly make my way into the kitchen, Phil's making toast with pancakes "Phil?" I must know, I really must "who was that girl?" My voice speaking for itself, that or the cause of the very noticeable tent in my Pj bottoms, I sit down before Phil can see my trousers

"She's new in the building, just next to us actually, moved here from the states!" Phil has pure excitement in his voice, from the states eh? He likes foreign people, especially ones with accents. "Ooh, the states have some very interesting 'positions' " I say while raising my eyebrows, my sexual thoughts obvious to the boy in front of me

His jaw drops and he nearly drops his spatula aswell "Daniel!" voice almost a squeak "don't you ever just not think about having sex with every girl you meet?" He returns to making pancakes, leaving me to think "I don't know" my voice is now as serious as it can be, ready for a nice, maybe awkward, discussion with Phillip

"She was.. she is.. different." My sight trails off into nothingness and I'm left to stare at a blank wall instead of my best bud who's mouth is open wide, again with utter shock "you can't be in love with someone you just met!" His arms swing up and begin flailing, flinging bits and bobbles of pancake around from the spatula. I groan and stand, then remember the hard member trying to escape my trousers, and I quickly sit back down

"I'm not in love you dumbo" my arms crossed and my face pouting, a large sigh weighs off my chest and my head tilts back "she just seems different than any other girl I've met.. I know I barely even knew her for five minutes, but she just.." lost in thought, I don't even notice Phil plop a plate right in front of me on the table

"That's called being in love" Phil sits across from me, nomming his pancakes in delight, orange juice sitting on the side "it makes you think of that one special person as, well, special" stuffing his face full of food, I decide to leave him be, with a quick goodbye I walk to my room. Looking down at my crotch I can see that my hard on has most definitely not gone away, huffing in annoyance, I lock the door and strip my trousers and boxers off "you really are a persistent fella" I stare down at the sight before me, myself, completely naked and with a hard on, and from a girl I just met too

How weird is that?

Making my way to the bed, I grasp my member in one hand and slowly begin a rhythmic pumping "I really need to know more about her.." a hum of moans escape my lips as my thumb brushes against the head.

okay, actually, it's kinda creepy how I'm thinking about her when I wank. I don't even know how old she is

My hand stops as this thought washes over me, she could be 16 and I'm 21. I could be masturbating to a young girl. Am I acting like a pedophile? Oh, fuck my life. I can't wank to a girl I don't even know the age of, can I? She looked to be around my age, maybe a year or so younger

I feel myself sigh and fall back against the bed covers, must find something else. I reach for the laptop on the other side of my bed, slowly starting to type in the letters "R-e-d-t-" my body and mind are interrupted as a loud knock echoes from my door, I yelp and nearly fall off the bed "Dan, you didn't eat your breakfast!" A whiny Phil calls from behind the door, I grunt and roll my eyes

"I wasn't hungry" I yell back, maybe I should put some clothes on. I stand and walk over to the crumbled pile of Pj bottoms and boxers, stepping into them and pulling them up, I wipe my hand on the pants "DAAANNIEEELLLLL" Phil cries almost making me fall over from the randomness of his wail

"WHAT, YOU DON'T NEED TO YELL, GOD, PHIL" I whip open the door and Phil shrieks, exciting a laugh from myself

I pat his shoulder, his breathing is rough and he's clutching a plate of food "I just... didn't know" he's mumbling his words again

I try to walk past him but he grips my arm and turns me around to face him "We're going to see Karli later, kay?" The girls place. Hmm, maybe I'll be able to get rid of this hard on a different way besides wanking.

A smile creeps its way onto my face at this thought, hands brushing against my groin as I walk away from a slightly confused Phil "WE'RE HELPING HER UNPACK, you're not doing anything sexual with her"

I feel myself silently chuckle as he says this, of course Phil would accuse me of fucking any cute girl we meet. I turn around with a fake shocked expression on my face

"Phillip!" My hand covers my mouth as I gasp in surprise "How could you think something so inappropriate!" My tone is a mixture of surprise and sarcasm

His eyes widen in surprise and he clutches the plate closer, almost flipping it onto his chest

I laugh and turn back towards the living room, Phil following close and occasionally punching me in the arm. "I've got my eye on you" Phil calls as he walks back into the bright kitchen, "specifically anywhere above your hard on" he mumbles as his blushing face peeks from the kitchen. after a nice laugh, a content sigh slips from my lips, and I fall onto the couch, thinking about what today will bring.

Yes, today will be a good day, a very interesting day. Who knows, maybe this girl will be something special

* * *

_I didn't actually listen to any music when i wrote this :O _

_I was watching Supernatural :D Sam and Dean ~lessthanthree~ TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT IN THIS STORY, I don't really have a specific main storyline, just little bits of stuff. . _

_there will be a serious element to it, there always is :x but do not fear! there will also be humor.. maybe.. i had some thought on what to put the second category as, and then i just thought "fuck it, general it is"_

_ aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, hope you enjoyed the first chapter, __I love your faces, i feel strange, bye now_


	2. Unpacking

A distant voice is at the back of my mind, sweet and soft, slowly pulling me into it's place. who does that voice belong to? Karli! right! our new neighbor from the states, the one that brushed against my.. er, member. the one me and Phil are walking out our flat door to see, right now.

"I'm excited! are you excited?" Phil yanks my arm and pulls me down the hall, our loud footsteps causing a small echo "Phil, calm your tits! you're about to rip my bloody arm off!" i scream as he still pulls me along, ever so slightly knocking me into the wall

we come to an abrupt halt at the doorframe of a nice door, very similar to our own, with a little zombie bunny sticker smack dab in the middle. Phil has a slightly horrified look on his face, but soon replaces it with happiness again as he knocks hard on the door, i sigh and roll my eyes at his childish behavior. then again, it is Phil, he's always cutesy and adorable.

the clicking of a door shakes me from my thoughts, and my eyes land on the sight of a black haired, brown eyed boy holding the door open. his eyebrow is raised and his lips pursed. oh great, she has a boyfriend. not that i mind, of course.

"uhm, hi, I'm Phil and this is Dan, we're your next door neighbors" Phil gives him a toothy grin and i just give a little wave, it seems a wave of realization has hit him as he mouths a simple 'oh' and steps aside to let us in. "KAR, YOUR FRIENDS ARE HEEERRRREEE" he yells towards the hallway as our feet step inside the large flat, it's almost identical to mine and Phil's, but the art style is different. a bright green, fuzzy couch stands out from the older, 80's type furniture, a flatscreen tv sits on the wall, boxes clutter the floor, and a single black laptop covered in little stickers sits on the counter.

"she'll be out in a minute, probably just fixin' her rack.." the black haired boy's words cause both me and Phil to jerk back and face him, our faces mildly red "_r-rack_?" I hear Phil mutter out. Phil had told me a while ago that 'rack' is sometimes used as slang for breasts, or boobs.

The boy's eyes widen after a second of realization, and he holds his hand up "music rack! The rack she keeps her CDs on, not her.." his eye twitches at the last part.

"Oh my god, I'm away for five minutes and you're already talking about boobs?" A light voice yells from behind, causing Phil and I to whip around and be met with the sight of her leaning against the hallway wall, her hair still in the same style from earlier, not a strand different. Her shirt is the same too, but her pants are now riding lower on her hips, allowing mine and Phil's eyes to travel down to the sight of her lovely hipbones.

Oh, those hips, those fucking lovely hips.

I feel myself fade a deep, deep shade of rosy red as my eyes stay put at her belt level "c'mon, Dan, buy me a drink first." Her chuckle rings through the house, and a loud "yech" noise follows. I turn around to see the black haired boy with his eyes closed and an expression of pure disgust planted on his face

"Oh, don't mind him. Gavin, don't you have to go to work?" Her hips swaying as she walks so close to me, I can feel her warm breath on my skin. I shudder as she trails a hand on my chest as she slinks past me, walking towards the black haired body still hanging by the door

"I'll go to work when I go to work" his voice is layered in a cold, almost mad, tone. Her tongue sticks out in his direction and she bounces her way towards me again, creeping her hands up my spine and hugging my shoulder, "ugh, you gotta crawl over every guy?" I hear her hiss as the guy, I guess his name is Gavin, says these words

"Oh shut it. Phil, Dan, come with meeee" she drags out the last part, slipping her hands into mine and Phil's, dragging us off down the hall and, I'm guessing again, towards her bedroom.

She takes us up the stairs and into a room that's built exact to mine, boxes piled around and on top of a large blue bed, "this is my room.. I just need help unboxing some stuff" she places her thumbs in her jean pockets, slightly pushing them lower, causing me to blush even harder

"What kind of stuff?" Phil decides to cut my awkwardness.

A small smile lurks onto her face, "just some posters and electronics.. I know you guys know some stuff about _technical_ stuff, probably more than me"

my eyes catch a glint of red from behind the many bracelets that are stacked on her wrists as her hand stretches in the air.

Her expression changes from happy to shocked almost immediately, "_Oh my god_! I almost forgot to apologize" she yells as her body pushes against mine, she's hugging me.

What does she have to apologize for?

Her frame jumps from mine to Phil's, holding him in a warm hug.

"you don't have anything to apologize for" I actually managed to mumble that out, shocked?

"YES I DO, DAN" she screams at me, pointing her finger at me and wearing a wide grin. Okay, this girl might be crazy. "I woke you up, and I didn't mean to! Me and Phil were just talking about fun stuff, like pancakes, and cats, and dildos!" She looked dramatic for a second, wait, did she just say?

"D-dil.. _dos_?" Phil voice mumbles out, obvious shock lacing it from the mention of anything that's about masturbation, at least from her. She's young, I think.

"Oh, maybe we weren't talking about dildos.." Her hand raises to scratch her other arm, gently brushing against her stomach, and I swear I saw her wince a little. "Soooo, what made you decide to move to England?" I ask, breaking the silence that ate us whole

"Bad memories. Wanted to get away from the bad memories in the US." Her voice is tinted with sadness, why though? I'll kinda change the subject so she doesn't feel uncomfortable.. "You and your boyfriend wanted to come here?" It's hard to speak the word boyfriend. God, Dan, pull yourself together.

"WHAT!? is that what that sick fuck told you?" Her voice is cut by a low groan of annoyance, her hand firmly planted in the middle of her forehead. By the looks on our faces I'm guessing she realizes that we're fucking confused "he's _not_ my boyfriend, he's my brother."

Ohh, her brother. Now it makes sense for him to be disgusted at the thought of his sister's bo- er.

"Oh, I guess we just assumed that someone as pretty as you would have a boyfriend.." Oh my fuck, did I just say that out loud?

Her giggle finds its way to my ears, and I look up to see her smiling, of course I feel my face red. "You're sweet, Dan" her shoulders shake a bit, smiling contently and fixing her hair

"Now, time for posters and shit!" Her hands clamp around a few rolled up posters sticking out of a box, "you don't have to worry about setting anything up".

I feel around in a small box, things are soft in this one. My fingers find something lacey and soft, like silk, I pull it up and _holy shit_. It's a _pink lace thong_.

My face feels hot, a little too hot.

Phil's sight catches me and I hear an unidentifiable noise get caught in his throat, probably a yelp of some sort. He's so red, it looks as if he has a fucking sunburn.

I see her turn from the box of posters and immediately squeak, dropping the contents in her arms onto the floor, she bolts towards me, nabbing the garment away from me and shoving them back into the box

"That's not electronics" she's mumbling, and her face is red too.. Her hands fumble with her bracelets, and then more red catches my eye again, what's on her wrist?

"Sor-sorry, I didn't mean to, I mean, I just" if you ruined this, Dan, I swear. I just threatened myself, maybe I'm the crazy one.

"Hey, I found your Xbox!" Phil yells from across the room, his face is red when he's holding up a black Xbox 360 decorated with stickers from Zelda. "And your really heavy controller" he pulls out a big light green controller from the box beside him, as he tries to juggle the both, he ends up dropping the controller on his foot

"Fuck!" He yells and places the Xbox on a large box, dropping down onto the floor and holding his foot

"_Phillip_!" I hear her yell, she's got her hand over her mouth with a shocked expression on her face. "_Dan_ swears, you _never_ swear, you're the innocent one! What happened to your innocence!" She sits next to him on the floor with a fake sad face. I feel myself laugh before, wait a minute

"Wait, how do you..?" I hear myself trail off and she looks up with a smile, pulling her hand up and saluting me "I'm a proud Danosaur and Phillion"

"Oh." Me and Phil say in almost unison. She raises a brow and looks from me to Phil, "I'm not gonna give out your address or take pictures of you when you're sleeping or anything.."

Oh thank god, she's not _that_ psychotic

"I'm not _that_ psychotic"

Wait, holy fuck, can she read my mind or something?

"Now, let's get back to doing. _Thiiinngss_.." Her hand stretches out to bat the box holding her garment away. I grab her hand when she puts it by me, saying 'help me up you blithering idiot', and she flashes me a cute smile before turning to Phil and doing the same.

Time to go back to work, and, oh- Oh.. I can see. the thong from here. This should be fun.

* * *

_So, I might not make this one as long as Kathryn, mostly because it's pretty hard to write two long stories at once. but i'll try my best! and, sorry about the not updating for about a month thing, heh.. yeah.. IMSORRYPLEASEDONTKILLME**  
**_


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